Something Special - A Seddie Story
by RainwaterFollies
Summary: Over the years, things between Sam and Freddie changed dramatically. Funny thing was, neither of them noticed until the obvious truth was thrown down right in front of them. They loved each other, there was no denying that fact. The question was, were they going to face their individual fears, and take a shot at happiness, or were they just TOO afraid to try? Too afraid to fail...
1. Chapter 1

FULL DISCLAIMER: I own nothing other than my own ridiculous obsession with this pairing. I've been obsessed with Seddie LITERALLY since the show first aired. They've been my go to ship since I can remember. I grew up with them. In fact I made my sister sit down and watch iKiss with me, while I squealed and fangirled the whole time. I'm aware I'm now almost 24 years old...but I am still Seddie obsessed. :P

A/N: I've written a few fics that are actually on here under a different name...I don't wanna talk about it. But over the years, as I gave my mind time to develop a bit more (hehe) I've steadily been writing this story in my head. I finally decided to sit down and start writing it, and the words just flowed. They overflowed, actually. So much so that I ended up with over 7,000 words of content before I realized that I needed to cut it down.

I wanted to end the very first chapter in the present day, but turns out there are too many things I wanted to say to add a decent backstory, just in case people aren't as obsessive as me and can't figure out timelines. They're a bit all over the place, but it all adds up eventually. We will get to a point where there's less descriptive narrative, and more Seddie action, but just bear with me. A lot of fics I've seen, they don't take their time with them. I want to do this couple justice, and in order to do that, we all, me included, need to be patient. So buckle up, and enjoy the ride, cause I think it's going to be a longgggg one. :D


	2. Chapter One

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN iCarly, if I did...man, the things I would've done with the show. :D

There had been several moments throughout the six or so years that they'd been... 'acquainted' with each other that had shaped, and heavily impacted their ever evolving relationship. Mixed emotions are normal, and it's normal to not understand them. Especially at the tender age of eleven, which is when their adventurous journey began.

First instinct when you think someone is cute is to instantly insult them, right? Well, it was for Sam Puckett. However, she'd grown tired of Freddie Benson's endless advances towards her best friend, and managed to get over her 'crush' pretty quickly. Sadly, the insults stuck like guerrilla glue, and the constant bickering became their _thing_. Being the confused, naive children they were, this was the safest route.

Sam and Freddie both had rough upbringings, and could relate to each other in a way that Carly Shay just couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. They both had had it rough, but in remarkably different ways. This caused their personalities to clash, in a very unique way. A lot of their inner, hidden qualities were the same, but neither would come to realize this until years later. Both of them were incredibly stubborn, and had a hard time breaking habits once they were comfortable in them.

So even in those rare moments, that you'd need a magnifying glass to scrutinize, the bickering continued. The enemy stage lasted roughly three years, until they reached age fourteen. The average median age for puberty, and confusion. The pair was still seemingly hostile towards each other, but after being forced into several different strenuous situations, they'd been forced to come to the conclusion that they were at _least _fr-enemies.

The friendship stage came only a short time later. Along with the teen's first kiss, which just so happened to be each other. It was one of those times, which were few and far between, where Sam had allowed herself to display vulnerability towards him. No one else was able to have this effect on her. Anyone who attempted to get close to her, (Carly excluded) normally ended up with a black eye, wedgie, or worse. Again, fourteen was a weird age. They weren't exactly kids anymore, but they sure as hell weren't mature enough to delve into their issues just yet, or even begin to decipher what in God's green Earth was going on in their hearts when they parted ways that evening.

So as Sam stepped back into the window, Freddie stopped her, and gave her a very obviously sarcastic, "I hate you." She'd responded with her own equally loaded, less than heartfelt, "Hate you, too." And they'd left it at that. They'd both felt something in that kiss though, even if they pretended not to.

Things returned to their own little form of normal for a while. Although there was a subtle decrease in the severity of her insults, and his constant bitterness and frustration towards her when she _did _insult him dissipated significantly. It was short lived, however, because shit hit the fan about eight months later. They joined forces when Carly found out about the kiss, choosing to side with each other and defend their reasoning for keeping it a secret. Carly was furious, and maybe even a little jealous. She may have dropped the subject shortly after, but it didn't drop from their minds. She'd asked them if they liked the kiss, and neither had an opportunity to answer, thanks to an interruption from Spencer.

Their mutual confusion about the situation caused a small rift in their friendship. An awkwardness that could only be replaced by even _more _arguing than before, if that were possible. Arguing that became worse and worse as time and unresolved feelings went on.

Freddie had been a sheltered child, to put it lightly. His mother was overbearing, and overprotective...and let's face it, the woman could be downright nutty sometimes. They all knew it. She had her reasons though, and they weren't altogether that hard to understand, if you took the time to try. She and Freddie had a strained relationship, which was no secret. The secret was why. It was because for the longest time, he blamed her for his father's death. She had been the one driving after all. She had also been pregnant with Freddie's baby sister at the time, who died with his father in the crash. Freddie was seven. Too young to understand that accidents happen, but old enough to understand that his daddy was gone, and it was because of his mom.

Marissa blamed herself enough for the accident, but Freddie's constant blame, even though she knew he was too young to mean it, took a toll on her. The constant reminder that her soul mate, and baby girl were both gone because of her _own _stupidity. She'd looked away from the road for a _second_...a _second _was all it took for her world to come crumbling down. Pummeling into the back of a tractor trailer, they went, and then two of the people she loved most in the world were gone forever. A _second._

She and Freddie had repaired their relationship to some extent, but neither was ever the same again. He was beyond guilt ridden that he'd caused his mother so much pain, therefore giving him a major reason to put up with her craziness.

It was around the same time he had met Carly and Sam, that his mother had just finished med school. She was working a lot of late hours in her residency, but she'd raised him so well that she trusted him to be home alone a lot, even though he was so young. He knew how to take care of himself, and that was, ironically, thanks to her overbearing personality. Plus, short being at the hospital with her, their apartment was the safest place for him to be.

Despite their haunted past, Mrs. Marissa Benson had raised Freddie to be a genuinely kind, and caring person. He'd proven on several occasions that he did indeed care a great deal about Carly..._and _Sam.

One instance had been the Missy situation, before Carly had ever found out about the kiss. Not only was he visibly concerned for Sam when she'd ended up sick, he'd literally just handed over a dream of his to help her. At the time, she hadn't known. It wasn't until months later, after a particularly nasty argument between the pair, that she had found out.

_"Oh, yeah? Well, that shows how much you know. God, what's in that head of yours, a pound of meat?" Freddie screamed at her, ducking as she hurled a book at his head._

_"Even if it was, at least it'd be more meat than you got between your legs, little girl Benson!" She yelled, searching around the studio for something else to throw at him._

_"Damn." said Gibby, chuckling. He immediately stopped, and cleared his throat after two death glares were sent his way. "I'm just gonna...yeah." He scampered off out the door, closing it quietly behind them as they kept yelling._

_"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?" Freddie teased._

_"Give me a break, I wouldn't go there even if you were the last guy on Earth. I'd become a lesbian first." She snarled. "Maybe convince Carly to give it a go." She added sarcastically._

_"Yeah, like that would work. It'd do you some good to take notes from her book,cause at the rate you're going, no guy _or _girl will ever be into you anyway." He snapped. Immediately, he felt regret wash over him. Many of their shared insults, both knew not to take to heart. However, he knew that comment would be one of the ones she did. In all honesty, he couldn't remember how long it'd been since he'd actually meant any hurtful thing he said to her. Their daily banter was fun, and just normal. Light playfulness. It was _them.

_"Sam..." He said, all the venom gone from his voice. "I didn't mean that."_

_She narrowed her eyes at him, obviously still pissed off. "Yes, you did." She retorted. "You never say anything you don't mean."_

_"On the contrary, I say a lot of things I don't mean. Every day. Most of them to you."_

_"The hell is that supposed to mean? Do you think I'm stupid?"_

_"Of course not, Sam. That's not what I-"_

_"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."_

_"Sam, I-"_

_"You know what, save it Fredderly. You've said enough."_

_"If you'd just let me-"_

_"Blah blah blah!" Sam sang provokingly, plugging her ears._

_"FOR THE LOVE OF FUDGE, SAM. If you'd just LET ME TALK for once in your damn life." He shouted in frustration, throwing his hands up._

_She unplugged her ears, and gave him a thoughtful look. "Why would I? I don't want to hear anything you have to say. The only words that ever come out of your mouth are dorkatron language, pathetic comebacks, and ridiculous professions of love for someone who will never love you back. Did I summarize it right? Yep, pretty sure I did. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed." Without another word, Sam took off for the solace of Carly's bedroom, and her fluffy, weighted, annoyingly pink comforter._

_She couldn't understand why she was feeling the way she was. His words hadn't ever cut her so deeply. She'd known since the day they met that she'd always come in second to Carly when it came to him, but did he actually believe she'd come in second to everyone else too? That not a single person in the world, male _or_ female, would look her way because she wasn't _like_ Carly? Of course she had those thoughts about herself...but to have that fear verbalized by someone else, someone she thought was her _friend_..._

_"Sam? You okay?" Carly called to her hesitantly, a concerned look on her face. She was already laying in bed, having gotten tired of listening to the argument pretty much as soon as it had started and left them to it._

_Sam realized she'd just been standing in the door, staring off into space. "Yeah, I'm good. Scooch." Carly moved over a small bit, and made room for her friend. Sam didn't bother undressing, she just kicked off her shoes and climbed into the bed. She immediately felt a sense of relief, and sighed deeply as Carly covered her with the blanket. _

_"Wanna tell me what happened?"_

_"Same as always."_

_"It didn't sound the same. And the look on your face when you walked in here also says otherwise. Talk." Carly may have sounded stern, but she was also running her fingers through Sam's mane of curly blonde hair, something she did when she knew Sam was stressed out._

_"He said some...things." Sam whispered hesitantly._

_"Like?"_

_"Rude things."_

_"You both always say rude things. It's not like you ever mean them."_

_"He meant it this time."_

_"What did he say?"_

_Sam had never been able to talk to anyone like she could Carly. It was weird, as they were polar opposites. At one time, Sam had tried to push her away, but Carly forced her way into Sam's life, regardless of the mean things she'd said to try to keep her at bay. When Carly was determined, she usually got her way. And she was _very _determined to be friends with Sam for some reason. So Sam reluctantly let her in. Carly shoved her tiny self into Sam's heart, and over a surprisingly short amount of time, expanded until she took up a large portion of it. So any time something was really eating at Sam, she knew she could talk to Carly, with no fear of judgement, or humiliation._

_This was one of those times. Things had been strained for a few weeks, as Carly was still slightly upset at Sam and Freddie, but she was always able to put her anger aside if one of her friends was upset. _

_So Sam took a deep breath, and sat up to confide in her friend. "He basically said that since I'm nothing like you, nobody will ever love me. And that's been his opinion of me since day one, so...there's no way he didn't mean it. He said it because he means it, and because he really doesn't care if he hurts me. Maybe he thinks I don't even have feelings, I don't know. I do know he genuinely hates me, and he's got a good reason, I guess. But I had thought...I don't know, I thought we'd somehow moved past that. We've all been through so much together, I thought...It just sucks to know that I maybe somewhat possibly...and if you ever repeat this, Shay, to ANYONE, so help me God, you'll be getting the butter sock." She warned._

_"Duly noted, continue."_

_"I've...gotten used to having the little dweeb around. And it'd suck if he were ever...not around, ya know? It just doesn't feel too great to know he couldn't care less if I wasn't." Sam sighed in defeat, looking down at her lap._

_Carly gave her a sad smile. "Sam...I know sometimes...okay A LOT of the time, it appears that he doesn't see you as a friend. And a lot of the times, it appears you don't see him that way either. That's ONLY from an outsider's perspective though. You guys are my best friends, and I know you better than anyone. I've seen you almost every day since we met, and since you and him met. I'm a very observant person, Sam. Maybe you don't see it, because you're _in _it, but you can't tell me there isn't something between you guys besides hatred."_

_"Carly." Sam huffed. "I appreciate the-"_

_"I am not finished yet, Samantha Puckett." Carly interrupted, being the only person on the face of the planet that was allowed to do so._

_"Sorry...go on." Sam mumbled sheepishly._

_"Do you even know what he did for you?"_

_"Uh...when?"_

_"Just a few months ago. Remember Missy?" Sam grimaced at the mention of that red headed bitch. She hoped she was puking off the side of that fancy boat right about then._

_"Unfortunately." She rolled her eyes. "What about her?"_

_"That trip she's on, right now...Freddie won it, not Missy."_

_Sam sat and pondered that statement. What did that mean? That he...but no. There was no way he would do that, he was so excited for it. She'd thought he was going to win it for sure. She couldn't believe her foolishness, of course there was no way that Missy had actually won it. The confusion-turned revelation was apparently obvious on her face._

_"He _gave _it to Missy. For you." Carly continued, confirming what she'd been thinking._

_"But...why?"_

_"I asked him, and he got all squirrely and stuttery. I accused him of caring about you, and he didn't deny it. He'd said, 'Well...she was really upset.' I poked fun at him a little, but I was so happy. He asked me not to say anything to you, and I'm sorry I didn't. I just assumed you'd make fun of him for it."_

_"At the time, I probably would have." Sam suddenly felt bad. And good. She felt bad and good at the same time. Happiness spread through her at the fact that, despite all of the horrible things she'd done and said to him over the years, he'd still managed to find a soft spot for her. Guilt seeped it's way into the mixture also, _because _of all of the horrible things she'd done and said over the years. She decided it was time to suck it up, and do something very uncharacteristic of her. She was going to let the little nub in. No one would know but her. And of course she'd also never admit, not even to Carly, but she'd developed her own soft spot for _him_._

_Suddenly, Sam was on her feet, sliding her shoes back on._

_"Where are you going?" Carly asked. "It's almost eleven o'clock."_

_"I'm just going to talk to Freddie for a few. I'll be right back." Sam answered as she rushed out the door. Less than two minutes later, she was at his door. She knocked, and waited several minutes, but got no answer. Sighing, she turned to go back into Carly's apartment when the door behind her swung open to reveal a disheveled Freddie._

_"Hey, Sam...what's up?" He asked, yawning._

_"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up."_

_"It's co-wait, what? Since when do you care about waking people? Scratch that, when do you care about waking _me _up?" He was now completely awake, amidst the shock of her apology._

_Ignoring him, she got straight to the point. "Alright, Benson, I've already threatened Carly with the butter sock tonight, now it's your turn. A word to anybody about what I'm about to say, and that, among other things, will find their way into places they don't belong. You understand me?"_

_Freddie gulped loudly, and nodded, waiting for her to speak. Instead, she just stood there. The silence wasn't awkward, but it wasn't not awkward. She wasn't sure what to say, or how to say it. Instead, she did another very unSam like thing. He leaned backwards as she approached him, and that ticked her off a bit._

_"Stand still, dweeb, I'm not gonna hurt you."_

_"I've heard that before."_

_"JUST...stand still."_

_He froze in his spot, a look of confusion on his face. He then closed his eyes, knowing whatever she was going to do to him was well deserved after what he'd said to her earlier. Again, she moved towards him. This time, he stayed still, and simply braced himself for an impact that never came. At least, not as hard an impact as he was expecting. Instead, it was very soft,and warm. Sam was _hugging _him. Unsure of what to do, he awkwardly patted her back._

_"Are you...okay?" He asked._

_"Thank you. For...giving up that trip." She muttered against his chest. She held on for a moment longer, and then backed up to put at least two feet of distance between them. Freddie released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding._

_"What?" He hadn't quite heard what she'd said._

_"I SAID...I said thank you. For giving up that trip. Even if you didn't do it for me, I still appreciate the fact that Missy is gone, and you're the one that made that happen, so thank you." She finished in a rush, avoiding looking him in the eye. It was few moments before either of them spoke again, him looking at her curiously, and her looking anywhere but at him._

_"I _did _do it for you." He finally said. Her eyes snapped up to meet his gaze. "Like you said, you wouldn't have come to me for help if you weren't serious." _

_She smiled up at him, spit on her hand, and held it out to him. He looked at it, and raised an eyebrow at her. She shook her hand in a persistent manner, so he reluctantly spit on his own hand, and reached out and shook hers. They nodded at each other, both acknowledging a silent truce in that handshake. _

They still continued to argue, and bicker constantly after that. But it was back to how it was after the kiss. There was less bite behind their barks. And the two of them were...dare they say it...friends. Best friends. Best friends who poked fun at each other, sure, but they were quick to defend one another if someone else tried to do it.

That friendship eventually blossomed into something neither wanted to admit. Or they just couldn't. That may have partly been due to the fact that it had taken four years to even admit to anyone that they were even friends. They were in uncharted territory, so they kept their feelings to themselves...for then, at least.


	3. Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: NO I STILL DON'T OWN iCARLY. LET'S MOVE ON.

Chapter Two

Growing up, Sam had never had the best role models. Over half her family was in prison, or worse. Her dad had died when she was fairly young. Her sister, Melanie, (who Freddie still didn't believe existed) had abandoned her, and her mother...well, she was a handful. After their dad had died, their mom had almost instantly jumped into a relationship with another man named Raymond. This man was awful to Sam and Melanie, for nine _long _years. But it was because of this that their mom showed them any kind of attention. It took a long time for her to gather the strength to leave him, but in that time she was the best mother she could be. She had to be, otherwise her children might've been killed. After he was finally gone, Melanie couldn't handle the mess of a woman their mother had become. A sobbing, careless, abusive, disgusting...mess. Melanie had been accepted to some fancy boarding school, all expenses paid, and she left soon after.

Sam had then been forced to play the role of parent for herself, _and _Pam Puckett, at only age ten. Every week, she was in a new relationship. It started out just the same, she was over the moon with happiness...and then it happened again. Even if she somehow snagged a semi-decent guy, she still managed to repel them. Every other week, Sam was picking her drunk, brokenhearted mother up off the floor, dragging her into the shower (if Pam remembered to pay the water bill), and then attempting to put her to bed while she cried in her lap for hours. It'd become such a constant thing, she wasn't even phased anymore. It was just routine.

Her home life wasn't a thing she was particularly fond of, no matter how used to it she was. Because of that, not even Carly was aware of just how serious it could get sometimes. When her mom was down in the dumps, she was considerably a much better person. That said something. When things were going pretty well for her, she was a completely different human being. She still got drunk every day of her life, and when she was drunk, and happy...she did and said things that Sam wasn't sure she could forgive in the moment. Until just like always, she'd sneak in through her window one night, creep around her house until she found her mom sobbing in the kitchen floor surrounded by a bunch of broken bottles, and feel herself soften.

Anyone looking in on the situation would have instantly tried to have her removed. Sam downplayed it, constantly. Even to herself. Sometimes the situation got so bad, she was forced to wear long sleeves in the summer time to hide the bruises. Then it got to the point where she had to wear long sleeves all the time, to hide the _scars_. And she most certainly could _never _wear a two piece bathing suit.

But for some reason, she just couldn't bring herself to report it. She ached for the person her mother used to be. A silent prayer was said every night for Pam to return to being the person she once was. The mom who woke Sam up in the middle of the night to play video games. The mom who held her while she cried after Raymond's beatings, and told her everything would be okay while she stroked her hair. The mom who stood up for her when he had called her names, and when he put her down more times than she could count. The mom that tried her damnedest to take her pain away, instead of being the one who caused it.

Any attempt people made to pry into her backstory, she blew them off. Even Carly. Her upbringing had forced her to put forth a tough exterior, and she denied anyone access to her true emotions. Her experiences had hardened her, before she was old enough to understand why. All she knew was that she had to do whatever it takes to keep her heart protected. For this, she appeared cold.

Still...she became weak. She let herself fall, ever so slightly. Giving in to the chance that maybe Freddie wasn't all bad. They were friends, and maybe one day, they could be more. She was still way too confused to deal with all of that at fifteen, on top of all of the other things that came with that age. She pushed her feelings aside. Of course she'd never voiced any of this with Carly, and at the time she discovered these emotions, she and Carly had been fighting. So she'd already semi-sorted through, and forgotten those feelings by the time they fixed things. It was that same fight that made Sam _choose_ to forget them. As much as she could, anyway.

It was also that same fight that forced Freddie to begin to process his own thought and emotions. He'd always assumed he'd side with Carly in any situation, but over the years that assumption was proven false. He may not have admitted it, but Sam had a point. The name was iCarly, and that was his fault. Carly was funny, but mostly when she was given a script. Sam was funny with or without one. Carly worked hard, there was no doubt about that. Sam _was _late a lot, frequently didn't show up for rehearsals, and spent a good deal of time laying there doing nothing when she did attend...but the ideas that just came naturally to her, the ones that flew out of her mouth on the spot, and the way she was able to improvise when she hadn't gone over the script...it was admirable. She _was _underappreciated. She _was _constantly tossed to the side. iCarly _wouldn't_ exist without her. And Freddie...he was too stupid to speak up.

They were fighting over him. "Freddie _loves _me." Carly had said. And he had kept his mouth shut, watching while Sam walked solemnly out the door, betrayal etched on her face. Freddie chose to technically be on both of their sides, for the sake of the show. He spent several hours with Sam, alone, trying to set up shop at her house so she could do the show from there.

_"And what does this thing do?" Sam asked curiously._

_"Are you actually asking, or do you want me to start talking just so you can tell me to shut up?"_

_"If I wanted to do that, I'd have told you to shut up before you even finished that sentence, nub." Sam quipped, tossing the odd little device back and forth in her hands. _

_Freddie finally turned around, and saw a look of thoughtfulness on her face. His aggravation outweighed his curiosity as he saw her carelessly throwing the strip panel around._

_"Whoa, be careful with that!" He exclaimed._

_"Don't get your panties in a wad, here!" She snapped back, tossing it to him. Surprisingly, he caught it with little effort._

_"Sam!"_

_"What?"_

_"Don't - nothing." He sighed and went back to what he was doing._

_"You never answered my question."_

_He began explaining to her what it was, but she cut him off almost immediately._

_"In English, dipwad."_

_"That is English, Sam. It's not my fault you don't understand basic technology."_

_"Well at least I'm trying to! How do you expect me to learn if you won't explain it to where I can? Stop speaking dweeb." Freddie looked up at her, his curiosity returning. He decided not to prod, and dumbed down his explanation._

_"It's basically a high tech power strip, but it's for jacks. Like-"_

_"Headphones, cameras, laptops, et cetera?"_

_"Exactly."_

_"So...why do we need it?"_

_"Because a lot of the equipment we have in the studio has to _stay _in the studio. Too hard to transport on such short notice. We have to plug in quite a few more devices to broadcast to the same place from two different locations, and you live pretty far."_

_"I only live twenty minutes down the road."_

_"Yes, but technologically speaking, it's pretty far."_

_Sam nodded, and went quiet, picking at her fingernails._

_"So...what's up with you? You've only insulted me like twice today." Freddie asked._

_"Nerd."_

_"Okay, three. I know you can do better than that though." He joked, in an attempt to lighten the mood._

_"Are you actually asking for me to insult you?"_

_"No, I just...you've got me a little worried over here. Are you upset about Carly?" He knew her too well._

_"What do you think, numb nuts?"_

_"Uh...yes?"_

_"Ding ding ding! And the award goes to Fredbag!"_

_"Sam. Why can't you ever just talk to me like a normal person?"_

_"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I don't _want _to talk?"_

_"But you never wanna talk! At least not to me."_

_"I don't want to talk about _this_. So...just hurry up and finish whatever it is you're doing, and go." With that, she stood up and went upstairs. She didn't come back down, even when he called out that he was done. He'd waited a few minutes, but decided against bothering her and went home._

He had known she was upset, and instead of being a good friend, he walked away. So many times he had walked away. And later that same week, as he hung frantically out the window, screaming for the life of his friends he was helpless to save... He felt guilt. She'd apologized to him on many occasions for the things she had done and said to him. Mostly just to 'start fresh' whatever that meant. But he'd never once apologized to her, not to where she knew he meant it.

Knowing how much it meant to him to make things right, even in a moment as scary as that, the possibility of losing her just wasn't an option. Of course he was afraid for Carly's life too, but the fact that when they were being pulled back through the window, it was Sam he reached for spoke volumes to him. Admittedly, he was scared shitless to know exactly how much he cared for the blonde who tormented him so. There were a lot of things he wasn't sure of, a lot of things that included her, but the one thing he was certain of as he held on to her a little longer than necessary...was that holding her strangely felt good. Little did he know, she wasn't reciprocating those feelings, as she was nursing a broken heart from a few months earlier.

_Sam was pondering those very thoughts, as she sat in the windowsill of Carly's bedroom. There was a party going on downstairs, one that she wasn't particularly interested in attending. Freddie's birthday party. She was frustrated with herself. Despite her inner battle, she let herself give in. Again. She'd been hurt...Again._

_She'd taken an interest in the culinary arts, after a few lessons with Ricky Flame. She'd thrown herself into it, because she needed _something_, anything to get her mind off of what she'd seen a few short weeks after the competition against him. Devastation, heartbreak, and confusion were all she could feel, and she was sick of it. She'd spent her whole life trying to make sure she _never _felt this way again. And then she just _had _to walk in the Groovy Smoothie that night. The night she saw for herself that Freddie truly did still hold a candle for Carly. The night her heart shattered into a million pieces, while she cursed herself because she knew better._

_She'd become a decent cook, unbeknownst to Carly and Freddie. Spencer knew, but was sworn to secrecy by Sam. He didn't know why it was such a big deal, but he was a loyal friend so he kept his mouth shut. Spencer and Sam had been hanging out a lot, which was weird but also kind of nice. Sam refused to tell him why, for she wasn't quite sure herself, but she really wanted to make Freddie a cake for his birthday. Perhaps it was because she wanted to show him that she did have _some _nice qualities. She could be like Carly if she really wanted to._

_She and Spencer spent at least a week on it, Spencer with his sculpting skills, and Sam with her culinary ones. Together, they'd created a masterpiece. It wasn't super big, but it was impressive as hell. It was a smaller than normal laptop, on top of a smaller than normal cart...just like the one he used for iCarly. Sam was beside herself with glee, and even though she'd eventually decided against telling Freddie that she had a hand in making it, she couldn't wait for him to see it. That kind of selflessness was so new to her, but she had to admit, it made her feel good to care so much about someone else's happiness aside from her own, and Carly's._

_Then, the big day came. Carly's apartment was overly decorated, as was usual on someone's birthday. Sam had even helped. After all, you only turn sixteen once. Then he had to go and ruin everything. After the hiding, and popping out to yell surprise, and Freddie acting like he actually was surprised, they showed him the cake. This actually did earn a genuinely shocked look from Freddie._

_Instantly, he said, "Wow, Spencer! This looks awesome!" Of course it was obvious Spencer had had something to do with it. But then Freddie went and hugged and thanked both Carly and Spencer, leaving Sam standing there alone. Spencer glanced at her, an awkward look on his face. He was (thankfully) the only person to see her face fall. The pained expression was gone in an instant, but he had definitely seen it. He offered her a sad smile, knowing he would only make things worse if he said anything to Freddie, and remained quiet._

_Carly at least noticed how he had ignored Sam, and made a point to tell him she had helped with decorations, since she herself didn't know about the cake. He shrugged it off, offered Sam a distracted, 'Thanks' and went on with his business. Upset, Sam took the card she had gotten him out of her back pocket, and took it to the island to fill it in. She scribbled something down hastily, left it on the counter, and retreated up the stairs._

_Coming back to where she was now, sitting in Carly's window, overlooking the teeny tiny ant cars down below, she was lost in thought. She'd been doing that a lot, it seemed. Her heart ached. She knew she hadn't done much in the recent years to deserve recognition from him. That didn't stop it from hurting._

_"Sam? What are you doing, we've been looking everywhere for you." Freddie said, causing her to all but jump out of her skin. "Whoa...I didn't _scare _ya did I?" He asked, a smirk forming on his nubby little face._

_"Of course not, nothing scares me. What do you want, anyway?" Sam retorted, attempting and failing to redeem herself._

_He let it go, but kept smiling at her. "I already told you, we've been looking for you."_

_"Well I'm right here. Who's we? And what do 'we' need from _me_?"_

_Rolling his eyes, he said, "Me, Carly, Spencer?" He crossed the room and sat across from her. "We don't really need anything, I don't guess. Just...what are you doing?" He repeated._

_"Like you care." She said, going back to looking at the street._

_Hurt crossed his face. "I do, that's why I'm here."_

_"I'm not doing anything, obviously. Now leave me alone, Benson. Go back to your dorkfest." She crossed her arms, working furiously to look anywhere else but at the boy sitting in front of her._

_"Sam...what's wrong?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Something."_

_"Nope."_

_"Yep."_

_"Dweeb..."_

_"Demon?"_

_"Gah! Just quit shoving your nose where it doesn't belong, would ya!" Sam exclaimed, standing up in frustration._

_"Quit being so overly stubborn, and just talk to me. I thought we were friends?" He appeared ingenuous, but like he said, she was stubborn._

_"Oh, like we were downstairs you mean? Cause that didn't seem very friend-like to me!"_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Nothing, Fredwad. Just leave me ALONE!" She screamed as she stormed out the door. She ran down the stairs two at a time, and slowed as she reached the living room. Somehow, she managed to bypass Carly, Spencer, and Gibby, and make it to the front door._

Wasn't too long after that when Carly decided to go and kiss him... and things shifted, yet again.

Nothing really came of Carly and Freddie's relationship, aside from the fact that they were even better friends afterwards. Freddie had matured into a decent young man, and realized (with a little 'help' from Sam) that Carly was never in love with him. She was in love with what he did for her. While he would've killed for the chance to be with her in any way just a few years previously, he didn't want a relationship built on the pity she'd have had for him that would've kept her from ending it herself after the high wore off. So he ended it himself, with the halfhearted remark that maybe they'd try again later...He knew they never would, and they never did.

The group wasn't the same afterwards. Sam had managed to hold it together surprisingly well throughout the whole ordeal. In all honesty, she hadn't meant to break them up. Or that's a lie she tried to tell herself. The only reason she didn't feel bad about it though, was because literally the next day Carly was crazy about some other guy, admitting to Sam she was relieved Freddie let her off the hook.

Still, Sam's light dimmed slightly after that. It wasn't enough for either Carly or Freddie to notice, but she noticed it herself. The jealousy that gnawed at her insides when she had seen the two of them together, and kissing, and...she was freaking out inside. The jealousy had _scared _her. She was so afraid of her feelings, she was constantly stifling them. Always coming up with a reason why she was crazy. Upping the insults on the days when the butterflies in her stomach were more persistent.

Sam couldn't remember how it had gotten so far. Sure, she'd thought Freddie was cute when they first met, but that'd been five years before. They'd been through the good, the bad, and the ugly, with definitely more of the latter two. So why on Earth was she feeling so...mushy?


	4. AUTHOR'S UPDATE

AUTHOR'S UPDATE:

Hey guys, I'm back! I moved a few months ago, and literally JUST got internet at our new house. It's been crazy not being able to update like I wanted to. I started writing a new story, and the first chapter for that will be up soon, probably right after I'm done with this update actually. I've been working on this story like crazy, but I'm adding a few last minute ideas to the next chapter. It will be posted within a few day. Anyhoo, I apologize immensely for my absence, but I'm back, and I have internet now, yay! Get ready for a major influx of updates!


	5. Chapter Three

A/N: I know no one wants to, or likes to hear, "I've had personal issues that have delayed my uploads" but I really have. I've had medical issues come up that had me in the hospital under heavy sedation for over a week. And then on top of that, one of my best childhood friends recently passed away.

I want to write, I want to be frequently updating, but if anyone is looking forward to these stories, then THEY deserve better than something I type up in a day just to put something out there. If I'm not in the right mindset, I'm not going to be able to produce anything worth reading. So, I'm truly sorry. But slow updates are probably going to be a thing with me, and if that bothers you then this isn't the right story for you.

A/N 2: This chapter is a little different. It takes place in Freddie's POV. Off track a bit from the main story, so we still haven't made it to present day yet. :( We'll get there. Anyhoo, ENJOY, and I'm so terribly sorry for the wait. Thankfully this story isn't too popular, and I don't have a whole lot of folks waiting for updates.

DISCLAIMER: I so don't own iCarly. Appreciate the vote of confidence, though!

_January 25th, a day Freddie had thought he would regret, but surprisingly didn't. _

_"I don't think this is going to work." He said._

_"What do you mean?" Carly laughed, genuine confusion on her face._

_"I'm just bacon!" He cried._

_"What?"_

_"You've been turning me down for years, Carls. Why, all of a sudden are you so into me?"_

_"Because, you're sweet, and cute, and..."_

_"And I saved your life. Hence, bacon." Carly was quiet for a minute._

_"You remember when Sam went out with Noseby Moseby because he bought her all of that -"_

_"Bacon. Right."_

_"And she thought she was in love with him? She wasn't. She was just in love with what he did for her. Just like you're in love with what I did for you."_

_"Oh...so you don't want-"_

_"I don't think it's a good idea. I don't want you to resent me if this ends badly, and I didn't want you to feel guilty later on when you realized..." Freddie trailed off, having said it enough times already._

_"You're probably right. But maybe once this whole ordeal blows over, and we know what we really feel for each other, we could...try again?" Carly asked._

_"Sure." He said, smiling as he reached to give her an awkward one armed hug. She kissed his cheek and turned to leave the room._

_Rewind to January 18th, a day he thought his dream had come true, until he realized all he felt, inside and out, was a pair of soft lips on his, that felt like they didn't belong there. He'd pushed it aside, and assumed he was in shock, and the glee would come later. Carly was _kissing _him. He should've been ecstatic...but he wasn't. He ignored that fact, and the growing tension in his gut, and Carly became his girlfriend. He was happy, he guessed. Until Sam told him a little story about bacon._

_Freddie smiled to himself as he hobbled to the elevator, making a mental quip that the majority of her stories involved food. His expression turned to one of confusion as he realized he was smiling and thinking about Sam literally _seconds _after breaking up with Carly. "What did I just do?" He'd said to himself. Even though Sam had given him the push, he knew deep down that the relationship wasn't built on true feelings, not even on his side. In truth, his crush on Carly had become a distant memory. He still flirted harmlessly every now and then, to keep things normal, but he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd think about how pretty she was, or stared at her when she walked into the room, or gotten breathless when she flipped her hair in his direction._

_Was she pretty? Of course. Was she sweet. Definitely. Was she the love of his life? No. Not anymore. She was his best friend, his sister, and that was all she'd ever be._

_May 15th, 2010. The day Freddie's world was turned upside down. He still couldn't tell if it was in a good way or a bad way. His mind would be put to serious work over the next few...well his whole lifetime probably. _

_The week before was about as ordinary as a man with a shark head, or a vegetarian Sam. So a pretty normal week for the iCarly crew. Spencer and Carly were both obsessing over creatures that didn't exist, Sam was...well, being Sam. _

_The only thing that was out of place was Freddie's uncharacteristic silence. He knew he was being a bit conspicuous, but both Spencer and Carly were too preoccupied to notice. Sam never noticed anything about him other than his nerdiness, so he wasn't too worried about that. He was worried about _her. _There was something bothering her, and it was obviously ongoing, and pretty serious. He knew better than to ask her though._

_After countless internal arguments, all of which he lost, Freddie had become distinctly more aware of Sam. She'd been eating less and less over the last few months, and had adopted a fidgeting habit. _

_Over the years, as they went from constant bickering to sometimes being civil with each other, he had realized there was more to her than she let on. _

_She was so vicious towards him from the moment they met, that concern wasn't the first emotion he felt, though it probably should have been. It wasn't a priority right away to dig deeper. As they got older, they developed a strange and unique bond. Once Freddie had decided to try to understand her, he saw that her walls had come down ever so slightly around him._

_Freddie knew there had to have been a much more complex reasoning behind her odd and immediate hatred for him, because it took her years to trust him. After he thought about it a bit, he figured out that she'd never fully trusted _anyone, _least of all him. There was a lot he didn't know about her, but for whatever reason, he wanted to. And that fact alone had been keeping him up at night._

_Freddie sat on the Shay's couch, his laptop open on the table in front of him. He still hadn't switched it on. iCarly website updates were on his to-do list, but he couldn't concentrate, having only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before. As if on cue, a long yawn escaped his mouth, and he decided to shut his laptop altogether and go and join the chaos in the kitchen._

_"What goes on, guys?" He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets and stifling another yawn._

_"It does TOO exist!" Spencer cried, stomping his foot like a child._

_"My Bigfoot theory is WAY more realistic than a 'Beavcoon', isn't it Sam?" Carly shouted in her general direction._

_"Whatevs." Sam answered while she looked down at her phone, clearly disinterested. Freddie decided, since he was being ignored, he'd go and join Sam at the island. _

_"So what did I walk into?" He asked her casually, bumping her shoulder. _

_"Aw, fudge! You made me mess up!" She whined back at him. He peeked over her shoulder. Of course, she was playing Helix Jump. She'd already gotten a score of thirty two million on it, and it'd only been three days since she downloaded it. _

_"My bad." He responded nonchalantly. "Seriously though, I was zoned out. What are they arguing about?"_

_"Ugh, something stupid, as usual." Sam groaned, locking her phone and sitting it to the side. "Carly saw that news story about Bigfoot, and now she won't let it go, and Spencer apparently believes a beaver and a raccoon did the freaky deaky and popped out a cross breed."_

_"Ah, of course. Fighting over fictional nonsense. Sounds about right."_

_"Hold up, what did you just say?" Carly turned to him quite suddenly, a very serious look on her face._

_"Uh, I said you guys are fighting over fictional nonsense. There's no scientific proof that Bigfoot exists, and a Beavcoon? Even if a beaver and a raccoon ever _did _hook up," Freddie said, turning to Spencer, "which they didn't, why on EARTH would their offspring make that ridiculous noise?" He asked skeptically, making fun of the odd hiss/screech he had heard him let out._

_"Oh, I think you're in trouble now, Fredhead." Sam whispered as she passed him to go raid the fridge._

_"Alright, Freddie, I know you're really smart and stuff, cause you're a man of science," Spencer started with his manner of fact tone, "but with all due respect...you're wrong and I'M GONNA PROVE IT!" He shouted the last bit as he took off running to his bedroom._

_**Three days later**_

_"She's been asleep since...well since we left." Freddie said to Carly with concern, gesturing across the table to Sam. They'd borrowed Socko's RV to drive to Mount Baker National Forest in search of Carly's and Spencer's respective nonexistent creatures. They'd been on the road a little over an hour, and they still had a little over an hour left to go._

_It was clear to Freddie that Sam hadn't been sleeping well. Every time she was at Carly's when they weren't doing iCarly, she was napping on the couch or in Carly's bed, or nodding off in the bean bag chairs during rehearsals. She was currently passed out in the hard ass booth of the RV, and couldn't look more comfortable. And she didn't even budge when someone mentioned Robin's wieners. _

_Once they arrived, Carly's squeal of excitement finally pulled her from her slumber, rather roughly._

_"What's going on?" She mumbled, hands poised to attack._

_"We're here you guys!" Carly said again, staring out the windows in awe._

_"You feel rested, sleepy head?" Freddie asked her, opting to hide his growing worry._

_"Not even a little bit." She said miserably._

_"Will Robin's wiener help at all? Wait that came out wrong...Are you hungry?" He laughed, offering her one of the hot dogs._

_"Nah I'm alright." Everyone in the RV stopped, and turned to look at her in shock. In order to prevent and/or avoid questions, she claimed she needed to pee first. She then proceeded to pick at a hot dog and make it look like she ate, which didn't go unnoticed by both Carly _and _Freddie. Carly, however assumed she had a stomach ache or something, let it go, and went out to explore with Spencer. _

_After setting up his tree cameras, Freddie sat across from Sam again, and tried to catch her eye. She was deliberately avoiding his gaze, which annoyed him._

_"Sam, will you look at me please?" He finally asked, and regretted it when she did. He'd known her long enough, there was no mistaking the pain in her eyes. She'd gone through something bad, and recently. "What's wrong, Sam?"_

_"Nothing that concerns you." She retorted, dropping her eyes again. _

_"Sam, no one else is here. Just talk to me." He waited a few moments, and when she chose not to speak, he took a more direct approach. "Why haven't you been eating or sleeping?"_

_Sam's eyes shot back up to meet his, a look of shock in them. "What do you mean? You and Carly both say that's all I ever do."_

_"It may appear that way, cause that's all you've been doing at Carly's, minus the eating part recently. Is something wrong at home?" Little did he know, he hit the nail right on the head. She was a tough nut to crack, but he saw the different emotions and expressions cross her face as she contemplated, and decided against telling him the truth all in the span of a few seconds._

_"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with, Freddison. Mama can handle herself."_

_"That may be true, but you don't always have to be so tough all the time." He said sincerely. "It's okay to welcome in a bit of support every now and then."_

_"I said I can handle myself." She harshly reiterated._

_"Okay, Sam. But just know, if you ever need to talk-"_

_"Oh, for the love of fudge, Benson chill it with the sappy shit okay? I don't need to hear it."_

_"Apparently you do, Sam. You don't have to keep everything inside. It is blatantly obvious that something has been bothering you, and I'm not gonna pester you about telling me what, cause I already know you aren't going to. I'm just offering an ear if you decide you need to. Or if...something happens, and you need a safe place, you...know how to pick the lock on my window." He smirked at her, fondly remembering a recent instant she had done just that._

_They were in one of their many ninja assassin paintball battles that had been drug out for weeks, and she snuck into his room in the dead of night just to destroy his face. She'd cackled and not even bothered to exit the apartment quietly, waking his mother up in the process._

_"Yes, I do." She said, smiling for what seemed like the first time that day. He smiled back at her, assuming she'd never actually take him up on that offer, considering Carly lived right across the hall and Sam could just as easily pick the lock on their front door. _

_But lo and behold, not even a week later, Sam had snuck into his room. He awoke with a start, as Sam tripped over something on her way back to the window. Clearly she thought she'd made a mistake and was trying to leave without waking him._

_"Sam?" He called groggily. "What time is it?"_

_"Three." She whispered, and her tone of voice made it evident there was something _very _wrong. Freddie jumped out of bed and strode across the room to her, putting his hand on her shoulder and immediately regretting as she all but flinched out of her skin. She was drenched, and ice cold. _

_"I'm sorry...didn't mean to scare you. Look at me...are you okay?" He asked tentatively as he walked around to her front and looked her over. He gasped as the lightning flashed outside his open window, illuminating her face. There was a bruise across her eye, and what looked like fingernail scratches down the side of her cheek. _

_Freddie was filled with nausea, sadness, and a shit ton of rage. _

_"Sam...what, no not what WHO the fuck-" He started. Sam covered his mouth._

_"You'll wake your mom." She said. He tried to get his anger regulated and get his breathing back to normal._

_"I'll kill whoever-" He had to stop himself this time, as he heard his own voice rise uncontrollably._

_"Calm down, you're not going to kill anyone." Sam whispered, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering. Freddie, needing a distraction from the war raging inside of him, walked over to his dresser and pulled out some plaid pajama pants and a blue Star Wars t-shirt and gave them to Sam. The Star Wars shirt was several years old, and didn't even fit him anymore._

_"What's this for?" She asked, not taking the clothes._

_"You're dripping, you're shivering, and you're freezing. Go change." He stated simply, gesturing towards his bathroom. For once, she didn't argue. She did as she was told, and she came back out with the pant legs dragging across the floor. He'd underestimated the height difference, but admitted in his head how cute she looked. Under the circumstances, he knew he couldn't focus on that, and just led her over to his bed to put his blanket around her shoulders._

_She thanked him, and took a deep, steadying breath. He waited patiently, just sitting with her._

_"You don't have to tell me anything. We can just sit here until you feel better, okay?" He offered sweetly._

_"My mom's boyfriend hit me." She said abruptly. While it was sinking in, Freddie remained in a quiet shock. She continued. "Please don't react in any way, or threaten anything, or...just don't be all 'Freddie' about it. Please. I'm dealing with it, it's going to be okay."_

_The shock finally gave way and he turned to look at her incredulously. "How do you expect me to not react? A grown ass man HIT you. I want to rip his nut sack off!"_

_"Believe me, so do I. But the guy is a public defender, and I have a juvie record. Whose word are they going to take if I said something, or did something drastic?"_

_"Can't you just ask your mom to-"_

_"Even if she believed me, he's paying our bills. She's not cutting him loose anytime soon." The defeat in her voice shattered his heart right in two._

_"What can I do?" He asked in a broken whisper, wrapping his arms around her._

_"This." She said in a sad voice, as she reluctantly leaned into his comforting embrace._


End file.
